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Dallas Open Gonzo 3: Gold Tipped Drawstrings


Woke up and my ears were ringing dull and low.  The previous 48 hours included:  Brooksby beating Thompson and Giron, Fritz losing to Giron, Opelka outlasting Isner 24-22 in the longest tiebreaker in ATP history, brief VIP and 200 level access, a dash across Dallas looking for a lost phone, actual bar hopping, a shuffleboard cliff hanger, Franconia Brewery's 14th Anniversary Party, and a psychedelic rendition of the Frank Zappa tune --The Torture Never Stops.  We're left with Opelka vs Brooksby in the finals, lots of potential, lots of American tennis hope.  Giron felt the squirm, but couldn't avoid the squirm, awareness is the first step, avoidance is next level.  Fritz needs to crack the neck, like a fatally wounded animal, and end their misery with compassionate ruthlessness; he seemed to have Giron beat in the Quarters, but didn't bash the skull with a rock.

Uomosport picked a good partner, Brooksby flashing the colors and the logo all over the stadium court.  I learned about the 4 year old company and bought some lush green wristbands during the Monday evening session.  The tennis shorts were $135.  They featured terrycloth pocket interiors and gold tipped drawstrings, they were slice, their colors popped.  Uomo, meaning 'man' in Italian, is high fiving for sure, their boy ain't no boy no more, he's in the finals.

And the finals will be a blaster.  Played hours before the Super Bowl, the schedulers hit it right on.  Get your queso quesoing, get your early drilling in, get some hottub time.  This Sunday is for champions.  I'm predicting Brooksby in 3 sets over Opelka and the Cincinnati 'Gals over the Los Angeles Rams; the revenge of Johnny Fever.

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