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The Church Of Crystal Methodists

 

Sitting in the pew, didn't know what to do.
Crying and wailing, saran wrapped food.
Night before, heard all about the whores.
Beers, smoke, and those jail house doors.

The matriarch had to depart.
Something or other about her heart.
Everyone agreed, she was the best.
At the Church Of Crystal Methodists.

City slickers and nighttime tricksters.
Friday night hitters, no boot lickers.
Chicks from town, liked to get down.
Tried them all, they all balled around.

Amazing Grace at the top of her lungs.
Dancing with snakes, speaking in tongues.
The night before nobody got no rest.
At the Church Of Crystal Methodists.

Grandson scored in the football war. 
Grandpaw left, slipped out the door.  
Wondered why he left him behind.
Maybe it's just the sign of the times.

Limo ride gave us story time.
Noses got broken, she tanned some hides.
4th kid got madder than a hornet's nest.
At the Church Of Crystal Methodists.

Escaped by a hair, before the last prayer.
Puddle of sorrow from the brother's tears.
Sent my best, and my condolences.
The whole thing was really quite a mess.

Left them there to grieve and stare.
To think back when they all had hair.
Then the preacher thanked all the guests.
At the Church Of Crystal Methodists.

 Oh, fuck it all, fuck it down the hall.
Fuck the money, fuck all you all.
Fuck her exes, they was mostly from Texas.
They lost the fucking battle of the fucking sexes.

Jimmy passed out, after swerving about.
Snuck into a room at his Hobbit House.
All still wearing our Sunday best.
At the Church Of Crystal Methodists.

GCFC/FCGCx2

FCx3/CFGC

*Cowritten by Kent DeVille.


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