Texas Cosmopolitan 3: Moscow

 

Pine Dunes, near Athens, is an impressive golfing experience, it was described perfectly on their website.

Carved through majestic, century old pine trees with contoured fairways & rolling terrain, Pine Dunes provides the most peaceful setting you'll find for a world-class round of golf.

And so it was, four straight pars to start, a highlight birdie on the long par3 #6, a fairly slow pace, and 3 doubles on the final 4 holes. It all added up to an 86; drained some big putts, but golf is hard, especially from fairway bunkers.  Should've watched a tutorial, I was lost in the sand, and this place was full of it.

On to Moscow, a full two hour drive through the lushious east Texas woods and forests and hills.  This is where the best ranches are, where billionaires live, but nobody knows who lives there, nothing can be seen from the road, they tuck their houses back, probably cameras and sensors everywhere.  Security probably has their own headquarters, tucked even further back.  Machine guns, bunkers, secret doors and tunnels, could be anything going on, or going down.  Must be complicated being a billionaire.

Moscow had a post office, a park, and a burger shack that looked more shack than burger.  The older I get, the more the Greasy Spoon Myth is evident, don't waste your money on trashy food, I found a Dairy Queen later that evening in nearby Livingston, Texas, which was adequate.  Hobby Park, in Moscow, is named after former Texas Governor William Pettus Hobby, who was born there.  He served from 1918-1924 and among his accomplishments were making public school attendance mandatory, raising the age of consent for girls from 15 to 17, and bringing the Texas Rangers to justice after the Porvenir Massacre in Presidio County, where 15 unarmed Mexican American men and boys were murdered.  Nothing in Moscow, It was dusk, things were starting to look and feel Houstany, best I could do was a LaQuinta Inn in Livingston, it had the charm of a gulag, the bed was like a brick, tossed and turned all night, mind wandering, brain wondering, what ever happened to Moscow, Texas.

Texas Cosmopolitan 2: Athens

 

Loop 7 surrounds Athens, Texas.  It's a four lane, 16.6 mile masterpiece of civic organization and planning.  Driving around it, you wouldn't know a fully functioning small city lies within, the small city hasn't made it out to the loop yet.  But it thrives inside.  They have a cancer institute, they have a community college, they have a fishery, and the first hamburger was served there in the 1880s.

Fletcher Davis was his name, and he invented the burger category by frying up ground beef patties, adding mustard and Bermuda onions between two slices of bread, with a pickle on the side.  He took his delicacy to Chicago's Columbian Exposition in 1893.  It was a hit with the common folks, but the snooty class gave it the name hamburger after the barbaric eating practices of the people in Hamburg, Germany.  Something about eating fist fulls of raw hamburger meat.  The word hamburger was meant as a slur.

Either way, kudos to Athens, Texas for its grub.  Ate the best gumbo I ever ate at Tia Juanita's Fish Camp for supper.  The huge place was filled with interesting wall art-- a massive painting of Willie Nelson and George Strait, Chewbacca carrying a surfboard, a B.B. King concert poster, Mick Jagger in the rafters, Stevie Nicks, too.  I sat alone, drank a bottle of beer, and gawked.  No evidence of anything Greek inspired in Athens, Texas, a town all its own.

Texas Cosmopolitan 1: Paris

Can't blame Paris for the ratty greens at Legacy Ridge Country Club.  The golf course is located in Bonham, figured I'd start the Texas Cosmopolitan Roadtrip at a course on the way to my starting point.  Overall, I played well on the front nine after a double bogey on #1, finishing with a 39, swung loose and free, snagged a birdie on #3, the first day of this ramble, this wander, this jaunt.  The back nine, and it's trees, kicked me in the teeth, couple of doubles, a few missed short putts, my typical 43 to finish with a solid 82.  I'll take it.

Then to Paris for a tremendously good fried catfish lunch at Cafe 107 on the downtown square (4 stars).  I was familiar with the town in the northern northeast Texas area, known for the famous movie Paris, Texas, which won the prestigious Palme d'Or at the 1984 Cannes Film Festival.  It's considered a cult classic and one of the greatest films ever made.  Sounds a bit moody and depressing, I prefer epics and space movies.  I'll check it out one day, being a cult classic and all.

Paris has embraced bicycling and has hosted the Tour de Paris for the past 41 years.  A well maintained bike trail goes through the town and into the countryside.  The effort to leverage the culture of its European namesake is evident, a smaller version of the Eiffel Tower has stood since 1993.  It's 1/16th the size of the original.  A massive red cowboy hat sits at the top.

Pickleball Nags

That's when I heard the clackle I was hearing.  Made me coil inside, made my eyes start tearing.

He said hey you play tennis you'd be really good.  I said, I know, but I'm from the tennis hood.

I'm serious, he insisted, it's good exercise.  Wasn't getting the hint, so I looked him in the eyes.

Said no, motherfucker, I'll never play that game, on my death bed I'm gonna say the same.

 (Chorus)

Don't wanna play your pickleball.

Nothing against it, just not my bag.

Seems real fun, seems great and all.

Heard it all before from the pickleball nags.

E

ADE

DAEx3

DDDE.

Mulligan (Another Chance)

 

I'll take a Mulligan,

Gonna hit it again.

Just for my mental health.

Appreciate, my friend.

Don't want to trash my score.

Just wanna hit one more.

Give it another chance.

What a Mulligan's for.

(Chorus)

Like magic, it's a Mulligan.

It never happened, it's a Mulligan.

So in fashion, it's a Mulligan.

You oughta take one more.

Mark it with an asterisks.

Know it was kinda fixed.

If I shoot under par.

It was all just a trick.

In the end, there's no shame.

Unless it's a cash game.

When my nerves knock and shake.

Only myself to blame.

CGC

FC

FGCx3

GFC

Weed Whackers

 

Here come the weed whackers.

Bought by the beer backers.

Looking out for the midnight snackers.

Jerky, chips, seeds, and crackers.

Got out in my fresh cut lawn.

Got out early, just before dawn.

Sipped my coffee, hummed a song.

Let my mind wander along.

(Chorus)

Seems like it's 10% better.

The edge makes it all tight.

That's right, I say 10% better.

The glow, the tunes, the night.

Here come the weed whackers.

Bought by the beer backers.

Looking out for the midnight snackers.

Jerky, chips, seeds, and crackers.

DCDGx4

(Chorus)

CG

DCG

X2

Five Hooks In The Water

 

We got 5 hooks on the water.

We got 5 hooks in the sea.

We got 5 hooks in the water.

And 5 hooks is all you need.

EA

EB7

EA

EB7E

They say they like Abracadabra.

They think I'm cowboy from space.

They say they want Abracadabra.

I think I'll give 'em a taste.

Grew up fishing and having fun.

I was the king of the skies.

Catfish, crappie, and tarter sauce.

I'll take some more of that please.

Little Jonnie Walker up to no good.

Always out chasing fleas.

Little Jonnie Walker up to no good.

But he's always been cool to me.

*Gorman/Hestand/Amos/Big Pink